Background

Robbie Brighton, on the recommendation of his parents’ physician, contacted a mediator to help with a family problem. His father George, age 81, lives in a modest home in Petaluma. George and his wife Lilly lived in the house for 40 years until Lilly passed away one year ago. George and Lilly had two children:

• Robbie, 45, a lawyer living in San Francisco with spouse Bobbie and their two sons, ages 14 and 12; and
• Johnnie, 48, single, unemployed for the past three years with no children, and living with George for the past two years.

George was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease seven years ago. Until the past year he was functioning fairly well, thanks to medication and Lilly’s constant attention and care. Since Lilly passed away the disease has accelerated. Six weeks ago, while Johnnie was out of the house, George wandered off. A motorist, noticing George was lost and disoriented, called the police, who brought him home to Johnnie about two hours later. In recent months, George also has experienced intense outbursts of anger, suffers from short-term memory loss, feels extreme agitation in the early evening, and frequently paces and makes efforts to leave the house.

• Robbie feels strongly that George should be moved to an Alzheimer’s facility about 5 miles from their home for George’s safety. He does not think Johnnie is an appropriate caregiver and has been encouraging him to leave and live independently, rather than with George.
• Johnnie wants to remain in the house with George and to care for him. He shudders at the thought that he would put his father into a nursing home.
• George at times of lucidity, usually in the morning, expresses regret that he is so much trouble to Johnnie, but also is terrified of moving.

The parents’ physician advised the family that for George’s safety the present situation is no longer appropriate, but has left the decision in the hands of the family without stating an opinion about what should happen and has suggested mediation.

The parents own their home, now valued at $700,000, and have $100,000 in CDs. They receive teachers’ retirement of $6,000 per month. They do not have long-term care insurance. Their health insurance will not pay for an Alzheimer’s facility at this time. The family will need to figure out how they will pay for George’s care if he is admitted to the Alzheimer’s facility.

Robbie’s Confidential Instructions

You visit your father twice a week, like clockwork on Wednesday nights and Saturdays, take him shopping, do the yard work – knock yourself out to help him and your health and family life are suffering as a result. You see your father’s condition deteriorating. You worry that he needs full time care way beyond what Johnnie can provide. And, besides, you just can’t continue to help as you have been doing. The most charitable description of Johnnie is someone who has wasted his life through one bad choice after another. For many years, like your parents, you tried to help, but in the past few years have come to realize that taking care of Johnnie means he never has to take care of himself. Johnnie is not trustworthy to take care of Johnnie, let alone your father. You have a successful law practice as managing partner. Last year, your income exceeded six figures for the first time. You have a big mortgage and two children headed to college within the next few years. You are just now beginning to save for your retirement and the children’s education. Your spouse Bobbie does not work outside the home. The idea of supporting or subsidizing your father with your retirement savings and the kids’ college fund is very scary to you.